Foxhole Symphony
Foxhole Symphony
From Childhood Trauma to Intentional Fatherhood: Michael Fineman's Story
What happens when a Jewish boy loses his mother at age three, gets institutionalized at seven, and spends his youth bouncing between boarding schools before choosing to live alone at fifteen? Michael Fineman's raw, powerful story reveals how God works through our deepest pain to create purpose and healing.
Michael takes us through his journey of childhood abandonment, where his father's remarriage and his stepmother's abuse led to years in various institutions. Rather than breaking him, these experiences revealed something unexpected - Michael had a natural gift for helping others more broken than himself. This servant heart would later become foundational to his faith journey and life mission.
After years of partying and searching, Michael found himself drawn to Christianity despite his Jewish background. His transformation wasn't instantaneous - it took seven years of church attendance before fully surrendering to Jesus. Now identifying as a "completed Jew," Michael explains how changing his filter from his earthly father to his heavenly Father revolutionized his life and parenting.
The most profound moment came when, as a divorced dad raising his son, Michael heard God's clear instruction through journaling: "If you want him to become that man, then you have to become that man." This revelation sparked intentional fatherhood that has created an extraordinary bond with his son and birthed "The Dad Link" - a ministry helping men break generational cycles of poor parenting.
Whether you're wrestling with father wounds, seeking to become a better parent, or simply needing hope that your broken past can become purposeful, Michael's story will resonate deeply. Subscribe now and share this episode with someone who needs to hear that their deepest pain might become their most powerful ministry.
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Welcome to Foxhole Symphony, a podcast about the transformational value of men in authentic community.
Steve Sargent:In our foxhole. Men are equipped to build relationships that foster belonging, accountability and growth.
Mark Vesper:Stop believing the lie that you can thrive in isolation and instead join us on the journey from broken to whole.
The Maestro:Hello everyone. They call me the Maestro and we are back in the foxhole where we actively pursue belonging, accountability and growth through authentic relationships. No masks, no agendas, just iron sharpening iron. Mark and Steve are in the foxhole today and they have a special guest joining them. Plot twist, he's different, yet the same. You know what time it is, get comfortable, open your notes app and let's get this symphony started.
Steve Sargent:Hey welcome back to Foxhole Symphony Podcast. I'm Sarge here with my good friend Mark. Hey buddy.
Mark Vesper:What's happening bro?
Steve Sargent:Oh my gosh.
Mark Vesper:Back in the foxhole.
Steve Sargent:You know the answer to that.
Michael Fineman:There's a lot happening.
Steve Sargent:It is moving at the speed of light, as usual.
Mark Vesper:This is your chance to slow down.
Steve Sargent:You know what, we're going to slow down a little bit and I'm grateful that we've got a great guest in the foxhole today and, um, because, uh, we'll talk about, you know, a future podcast, all the things that God is up to, uh, in our lives today really want to focus on our, on our guests. So I'm going to jump right in and introduce Michael Feynman. Uh, michael and I connected recently, I don't know a month and a half or so ago, and have since then bumped into each other at a men's conference, a small men's conference called Godfident, which was really cool, and we're like, hey man, we, we, you know, we actually probably have more in common than maybe we even realized. And so we reconnected again and here he is, and so I'm not going to get into the whole intro, cause that'll unfold throughout. But, michael, welcome. Glad you're in the foxhole with us, bro, thank you.
Michael Fineman:It's great to be here with you guys.
Steve Sargent:So I'm going to just go out and say, like, actually, the thing that comes to mind is you know, michael, we don't have a lot of Jewish guests. In fact, I don't think we've had any Jewish guests. You're our first, and I know. When we spoke, you know, uh, you're like, yeah, yeah, I'm a Jew, and you know I love Jesus, and you know, and, and you were like, yeah, people try to put me in a box. I remember you saying that like, oh, people say, oh, so you're a messianic Jew. Well, I, you know, you can put me in a box if you want. I love Jesus and he's my savior, and I'm like. I was like, oh, man, that is so, so rich. So tell us a little bit more. Man, I just want to jump right into your story. So you were born, and then what?
Michael Fineman:Yeah, I was born, uh, born Jewish, and then got born again later. But you know, uh, I consider myself a completed Jew because, you know, judaism is a heritage and nationality. You can't just shut that off, right. So, but after finding the Messiah, which, you know, most Jews are still praying for, I consider myself a completed Jew. And I often joke that I get the double blessing, you know, but I'm not really joking, that's right the way I love the Lord. I'm like, yeah, I got the double blessing and I stand on all the gifts and authority that he's given me. I'm walking in it.
Steve Sargent:I love it.
Michael Fineman:I love it.
Steve Sargent:I've completed you. I love that and yeah, and I do understand. I mean I kind of laughed, but I also picked up on the seriousness a little bit when you said phrase.
Michael Fineman:I think overall people try to put religion in a box completely and coming from religion, coming into Jesus, it's freedom. So when people you know, oh, are you non-denominational, are you Baptist, are you? No, no, dude, I'm, I just follow Jesus, and they're like, yeah, but but what denomination are you? Yeah, a guy that follows Jesus, maybe disciple.
Steve Sargent:Yeah, exactly, apprentice of Jesus.
Mark Vesper:Exactly, I love it.
Steve Sargent:Listen, we need more of that. We need more of that right Like strip away all the boxes and the layers and the the obstacles and the silos, and it's just, you know gospel's simple.
Michael Fineman:It's easy, it's not complicated, it is really basic, until we get in the middle of it and then it's become something that never was meant to be. But it's really complicated, it is really basic until we get in the middle of it and then it becomes something it never was meant to be. But it's really simple. And you know, the one thing that always rings in my mind is they will know you by your love for one another is what Jesus said right. And so when I'm out and about and you're the same way, you know, at the conference I saw kind of how you were and how I am and we're very similar.
Michael Fineman:In that very outgoing you conference, I saw kind of how you were and how I am and we're very similar. In that very outgoing you know, I hug almost every guy I meet. I love you, bro. You know, I'm not afraid to just be who I am, uh, and still be a man at the same time, and that's right. You know, I think a lot of guys were taken back by that, which is great Cause that opens the door.
Steve Sargent:Yeah, yeah, so tell, tell us um, so you know so obviously you live in Florida.
Michael Fineman:That's how we met here, local to me. Where'd you grow up? I grew up in, I was born in Washington DC. I grew up in several boarding schools, so my story is one that could sound one way but actually is another. And so I grew up. My mother had brain cancer while I was a baby and my brother was a year and a half old, and at that time I was three and my mother passed, and she was 29 years old before she passed away. And, interestingly enough, she grew up in this area of Florida. Uh, and later I met several of her friends and learned a lot about her. But as she was passing, she said to my father, who was then 30, hey, find a mommy for my boys. My boys are going to need a mommy, and I set you free and when I go, I want you to find somebody.
Michael Fineman:And so my dad is a very practical man. He's, he's a loving guy, but practical comes before love in his mind, and it's just the way he's wired. It used to make me angry. Now I've completely forgiven him and I just see him for who he is and love him for who he is. And so in his mind, his job was to go find a wife, so he was working full time out at the office. He was dating a lot at night. And so, at three years old, after losing my mother, we were being raised by a nanny who didn't speak much English and he wasn't around much. And it's not his fault. I don't look at it that way. He I think he was doing what he knew to do and was trying to do the right thing, as if a father was out working his you know, his to the bone, hands to the bone just to get food on the table. He was doing what he felt was right for his family, and so he. That's what happened. But but the the consequence of that was my brother and I didn't have a mother. We were raised without that nurturing. We were raised without, you know, something that little kids need very, very much. So in the formidable years is when he started, you know, introducing us to someone that he was going to marry.
Michael Fineman:I'm five years old now, so he ends up marrying her at five and something was off. I knew it immediately. I didn't know what it was, but something was off. I didn't feel comfortable with her. I was a little bit skeptical of the whole thing. But again, I'm five. So I started asking questions. Now I'm five, now I'm getting a little bit of consciousness, right, what was my mommy's favorite ice cream? What was her favorite color? Right, and I'm calling her my real mom. And then I'm calling my stepmom my new mom, right, and at that time I'm five. So it was probably saying mommy, right, tell me about my real mommy. What did she like, what did she do?
Michael Fineman:So at some point my father came to my brother and I said listen, and more to me, because I was more cognitive at the time he said we're hurting your new mommy's feelings by always talking about your old mommy. So we're going to kind of put that stuff away. We're not going to talk about that, we're going to focus on our new family, our new nucleus, and this is what we're going to focus on. Well, when a child can't communicate their feelings, they act out because they don't know how to communicate. So that's what happened. I started acting out, I started pushing back, and my stepmother became very abusive not started verbally, but then became physically abusive, and she was very frustrated.
Michael Fineman:And later, you know, the Lord showed me that she had just gone through a tough childhood, which I didn't know at the time, obviously I'm a kid, but by the time I was seven, I was in an institution, locked up and like buzz doors, padded rooms, you know, straight jackets if you went off, like scary place for a seven-year-old and there was kids up to 17 in this place, same dorm, wow. So it was shocking to my system, to say the least. And I was in there for a little bit and they booted me out. They're like, hey, wrong kid, send this kid home. And they put me back in again. Uh, same place, maybe three or four months later. And then from there I was in the system, boarding school to boarding school, to boarding school, whichever place would take me, until they said to my dad hey, you've got to take him out, he doesn't belong here. Because I always stood out in these schools as someone who helped other kids, because I was in this situation and I didn't know what to do except serve. Now, I wasn't a believer, I didn't know anything about this. I just knew that there was kids that were so broken in this place and I was not. And so, instead of you know, woe is me I became a very outgoing, helpful, good ear for a lot of friends and and knew everybody in the school. That's who I just became Um.
Michael Fineman:And so then at 15, we're in the judge's chambers, uh, and the judge looks at my record and he looks at my father and he says hey, I see what you're doing here. You have taken him from place to place. I'm looking at the recommendations, I'm looking at the. You know all of the things and you can't do this anymore. It's time to transition him into the home. And my father looks at me and he says well, there's going to be some rules, young man. I said oh heck, no, no, no, no, no. I looked at the judge. I said, sir, the day you drop me off, I'll go AWOL. And if you bring me back, I'll go AWOL that day too.
Michael Fineman:I knew he couldn't place me. So if I said that, because I've been in the system eight years now. So the judge looks at me and he says okay, so you know the system, you know I can't place you. What do you suppose I do? And I said you know what? Put me in juvie till I'm 18. I'll figure it out.
Michael Fineman:And so he looks at my dad and he says you understand that your son just chose jail over coming home. I don't know what kind of environment is going on, but I'm not putting him in jail. I'm looking at these reports. I'm not putting him in jail, so we need to come up with something else. And so my father said well, he can go live on a kibbutz in Israel, which is like a commune basically, but I knew I'd have to serve in the military. Imagine how I felt about authority at that point in my life Not interested. Or you could go live with your grandmother in Palm Beach. It's my biological mother's mother that lives in Palm Beach and I'm like Palm beach, I'm going to Palm beach, so I get here and she's been here. She's been widowed 20 years. She lives in a one bedroom apartment and really doesn't believe in air conditioning and so. But she loved me. She became the mother.
Steve Sargent:You're like? Is that Israel option still open?
Michael Fineman:Yeah, exactly Uh, and. But she loved me and she took care of me and she mothered me in a way that I'd never been mothered at, which is really interesting because my aunt told me all her life she was a tough business woman, but she melted when I got here and she hadn't had a lot of communication with me over those eight years. My father didn't allow it. So, you know, I stayed with her for about three months. Now again I was in the system. I'd come home reeking of marijuana.
Michael Fineman:You know I was already smoking cigarettes full time. You know I I had been in with a bunch of kids who belonged in these places for a long time but managed to keep my nose somewhat clean and I got my own place. So my dad helped me out financially a little bit. I got a little efficiency and at 15, I was on my own. I was in high school, I had a motorcycle, I had a couple jobs. I worked on the weekends, I pumped gas at night, I would do whatever I could to make money and I went for it.
Mark Vesper:Wow, yeah, pause, yeah, I'm going to take a deep breath, but the whole time you were talking, what happened to your brother during these decade?
Michael Fineman:Yeah, he did a little bit better with receiving our stepmother Okay, but her brokenness eventually didn't allow for that and he ended up in military school, which he got kicked out of. Then he went into the military because in military school he had met a girl whose father was in the military and kind of took him under his wing to try to straighten him out, and he got kicked out of the military too. So he he failed pretty, pretty miserably and, and unfortunately, all of my siblings, none of us, were able to maintain a solid marriage. All of us got divorced, all four of us. They had two after us, um, and you know some of them are on their second marriage. I'm still single. I haven't. I haven't remarried, um, but the damage that was done was pretty obvious.
Mark Vesper:Yeah, wow, thank you for your honesty.
Steve Sargent:Appreciate that, yeah, yeah, for sure. I mean my gosh, um, you know, I'm just thinking like going back to five and the. You know the pain that you referenced right, like not knowing you know, at five, six, seven, what to do with that, and you know. So I'm curious, like I mean, where along the way did you, if you did, did you get to kind of learn more about your mother? I mean, was that with your, your grandmother, or you know what did that look like?
Michael Fineman:Yes, yeah, when I moved to Florida, you know, I was with my aunt uh, who is her sister, my cousins uh and my grandmother, and so they told me lots of stories about her. But then I was dating a girl. She was 10 years older than me and she at 17,. She was working in a uh, a dental lab and her boss, the guy that owned the business, was friends with my mom in high school, actually doubled on the prom date, you know, with his date and her and her date and knew all about her. And I took him to lunch, he and his wife, and they just downloaded they I mean, they were friends with her for years after that too. So I learned so many things about my mom and it's interesting the similarities. But also I came away very proud of her. She was outgoing, she really danced to the beat of her own drum, but she was one of those people that had a massive network and loved and was loved by a lot of people.
Steve Sargent:Yeah, what a gift. I mean honestly, like I mean for for God to you know, plant you in that, in that space. Yeah, getting across the table from you know this businessman. I mean what a gift to receive that download. I mean God's hand clearly in that right. I mean I imagine you're just glued and just consuming and you know, I imagine there's just so much healing there.
Michael Fineman:I've been craving that information since I was five.
Steve Sargent:Right, so how old were you at that point?
Michael Fineman:You're 17. I was probably, you know, between 17 and 19, somewhere right in there. Yeah, amazing, oh my gosh.
Michael Fineman:Yeah, Now interestingly enough, right after that and I was very active in doing a lot of things at that point, I was in a speed metal band. I was trying to be a pro uh, knee border, uh. So I was water skiing all the time. I already had a boat at that point and um, but interestingly enough, I went down with Crohn's. At that point I had to have surgery and they never figured out. You know, they didn't know what was going on. They just did exploratory back then.
Michael Fineman:But you know, disease is dis-ease and I think a lot of you know. If you look at the root cause of Crohn's, spiritually, it is guilt, shame, rejection, right. So I lived all of that really well. But I want to go back a little bit to the schools that I grew up in, because the story may look like which I told at first hey, they locked me up and threw away the key. The truth is, god put me there and he told me this later, which you know some of the hardest times in our life become some of the best learning places in our life. And so when I asked him, you know I was exasperated.
Michael Fineman:I didn't know God at the time, but when I was starting to be introduced to him and, uh, I was actually going to church and I was 30 now and married. I started asking him questions about it. You know why would you do that to a kid If you're this awesome God, you're this perfect father, and I'm asking some pretty raw questions, coming into believing? And he said I needed you to be set apart for what I had for you. And I didn't know what that meant until later when he reiterated and went deeper on that. But that's all he said and I didn't know what set apart meant. I didn't know Christianese at that point. I don't know what he's talking about, but that's what he said. He said I needed you to be set apart.
Michael Fineman:And I was fathered by probably 30 guys that were staff members in these places that saw who I was and just wanted to for lack of a better term just wanted to love on me and care for me as staff members and pour into me. So I had guys that taught me how to play guitar. I had guys that taught me about what it means to be chivalrous. He used to sit me down and we'd watch Humphrey Bogart movies and he'd say now, don't light a cigarette and don't slap her. But all this other stuff I need you to learn. You know, and it was amazing because you know. Now I'm a very standout chivalrous guy, and so is my son. I taught him those same skill sets and it's maybe a lost art, but, uh, much appreciated in this world today.
Steve Sargent:Wow, incredible. So you so you, you know, I think around 30 or something like that you get uh, I think you were dating right and get invited to a church to tell us a little bit more about, like, how did you begin to discover who God was? God?
Michael Fineman:Yeah, so in my twenties I lived my childhood out, but I had money, so that's a little dangerous, right? Uh, I was, uh, I was, uh, I was, uh, I was a party animal basically. Um, I didn't, I only drank for probably about five years of my life, but I drank enough rum to officially be a pirate. I'm sure it was downtown in Clematis, in West Palm, when all that was just coming up and all my buddies had built that out. So I had VIP everywhere, which probably wasn't great either.
Michael Fineman:And I went through a semi-self-destructive childhood moment there where I really just partied my head off and I was chasing girls. I had five girlfriends at a time, all the time, because I was seeking to fill the God-sized hole. I didn't know that at the time. At the time it looked like I was living life to the fullest. My friends could not believe you know how awesome my life was. But truthfully, I was very lonely the whole time and looking back I realized you know you say, oh, I caused a wake of broken hearts, but the amount of damage I did to myself in that time was just as bad, maybe worse. And so at about 30, I'm just, I'm done dating. I'm like this is stupid. I have. You know, girls are everywhere. I don't care about any of them. You know, there's nothing, it's all shallow, there's nothing valuable. You know I'm not looking to drink, I don't care about that, it makes me feel like crap anyway. And I just, you know, I'm going to get married. And so I met uh, it's funny. My roommate at the time said hey, she's not just going to walk in the door, but this woman came in to do a health exam on me and I was buying extra life insurance because I was flying airplanes, I was a scuba dive master, I was wakeboarding, I mean, I was doing lots of things that could get me hurt and I didn't want to be a burden.
Michael Fineman:So she came over to draw my blood and I ended up marrying her, and so she had three kids and she converted to Judaism to please my parents for the wedding. I knew that wouldn't work. I wasn't sure exactly why she did it, but I didn't fight it. My parents just didn't like her. But my parents didn't like anybody, so I didn't think anything of it. You know I was like, yeah, they're hard on everybody.
Michael Fineman:But after about a year and a half of the marriage she said you know, you don't, we don't go to synagogue. And I'm like, nah, I'm Jewish, but like I really don't do any of that. And she said I want to go to church. And I'm like, go ahead, no problem, you know, and again, I know nothing about God, nothing about anything that has to do with God. So every Sunday she would take great until she wanted me to come and one of the things that she used to say to me often was you really don't know what it means to be a good dad and I need you to be a spiritual leader. I had no idea what she was talking about, but part of that is you need to take the kids to church.
Michael Fineman:And I fought it, and fought it, and fought it and finally I said, okay, whatever, we went to Christ Fellowship and back then they had a horn section. I think it was. Michael Neal was leading it and it was. I mean, it was just lift you up. John Maxwell would preach, some of the time Coach Mullins was preaching. So I went in and it was my first experience with actually speakers period, and I was enamored. I said the music is amazing. The message is, you know, legit. Like that's some good life advice right there. I'm okay with that. I'll go sometimes and that led to me going every week.
Michael Fineman:But I would not give myself to the Lord, I would not submit to Jesus. Because I was looking at all these hypocritical Christians that said they were Christians but I only saw it in church. Outside of that, their life, I didn't see any. There was no Jesus in them. Andrew Womack says if they got arrested for being a Christian, there wouldn't be any. There was no Jesus in them. Andrew Womack says uh, if they got arrested for being a Christian, there wouldn't be enough evidence to convict them. And you know, and, and that's what I was seeing, so I knew that I could just be a Christian on Sunday, like they were. So that's what I did. And it took seven years ironic number for me to give my life to the Lord. It happened when we moved up North, uh, to the Carolinas for a couple of years and and that's when I laid it down.
Steve Sargent:Wow, so how long ago was that now?
Michael Fineman:That was when my son was one, so he was, or he was, an infant. So, yeah, about 18,. Well, about 18 years ago he's going to be 18 tomorrow. Wow, yeah, wow, cool. Yeah, well, about 18 years ago, he's going to be 18 tomorrow.
Steve Sargent:Wow, yeah, wow, cool, yeah, unbelievable, my goodness. I mean you just see, see God's hand in in in all of this, of course, right, um, throughout the, the. You know, of course, the valleys, the suffering, the, the, the self-induced pain, right, and, and and you know how God redeems that and and and you know, just bringing bringing healing, learning about your mother in this miraculous way, and then you know this relationship, wow, I mean incredible. So I'm sure, once you came to the Lord, I mean everything was perfect. Yeah, of course.
Michael Fineman:Yeah, no, the marriage started failing pretty quickly at that point. Uh, the last five years were pretty brutal and I hung on, uh, because I believe something that wasn't true about, uh, a scenario with her kids and I didn't want to leave them hanging, basically, uh, but God had a plan and a lot of that had to do with my son, I'm sure, and for those five years it was he and I. I would take him everywhere. My, my son's mom didn't really love to do a lot of activities. I had that boy strapped to my back, took off, you know, and just loved being a dad.
Michael Fineman:It was a great, great time of my life, yeah, but it was difficult and I a lot of things came up from childhood, you know it. But it was difficult and a lot of things came up from childhood, you know, psychologically and emotionally and spiritually, and I was saved at that point. But I didn't know Jesus, I just knew about him, yeah, and when we split and we got separated, my first knee-jerk reaction was go back to my old lifestyle, started hanging out with a bunch of party girls. You know, here we go again and that lasted maybe a month and I just kind of shook my head and I'm like, what am I doing? What am I doing? I don't want this life for my son, I don't want this life for me. So I crawled into one of the churches that we had bounced through and just laid down. Let the Lord minister to me, and I often think about you know, when Jesus came out of the desert, how the angels attended to him. That's how I felt, you know, looking back, yeah, so what, what role?
Steve Sargent:you know, mark and I, as you know, are always talking about the, the, the transformational value of being an authentic Christian community. Um, and so I'm curious like how, or if that that happened for you. Like what, what did that look like for you? Did you get plugged in? Were you discipled? How did what role did community play, if any, in really, you know, knowing Jesus?
Michael Fineman:Yeah, interesting how that worked. So what I did know at that time I was really starting to understand business and I was now listening to Les Brown and and Zig Ziglar and Jim Rohn and you know I'd been introduced to this from John Maxwell. So now I'm listening to all these guys. Well, I'd read a book called the Millionaire Next Door and they talk about finding a mentor to help you get where you want to go. And so I'm in this church, I'm looking around and I see these guys that are just straight up guys and I became friends with them. I befriended them. There was one guy in particular.
Michael Fineman:I was serving in children's ministry at this time, doing leading, praise and worship for them and teaching and really diving in. You know, this is a couple of years after landing there, and one of the guys that I served with in children's ministry was such an amazing dad. I literally asked him if he would mentor me in being a father. The funny thing is he said I'll pray about it and never came back to me. Now today, 15 years later, we're best friends. We own businesses together along with another guy I met there and we talk about that often Now I know him. He just won't come back if the Lord doesn't lead him to. But because we became friends and he asked me to help one of his kids with a business project, I got to witness how he fathered by being close to him and in fact we joke that I'm an honorary family member and I do a lot with their entire family. But now all of his kids have gone to Bible school, some of them to Bible colleges, some of them. They all live very close, within vicinity of their house, and they all are just still this tight knit, super close family that I want to emulate.
Michael Fineman:And it is because of my relationships and connecting with men that I saw were the kind of men I wanted to become.
Michael Fineman:I just knew to surround myself with the right group, and so I intentionally surrounded myself with the right group and I remember putting a post on Facebook or MySpace or something back then and I said, hey, I have found Jesus. I know a lot of you are going to fall off because you don't believe what I believe, but just know that I love you, I want you in my life. You know something like that. And I realized I started dropping them because there were a lot of people that couldn't go or didn't want to go where I was headed, didn't want to live a life of integrity, didn't want to be a man of character, and I just shed them. I had to Uh. But thank God that I did uh, because a short time later which I'll tell you about later with my son, the Lord directed me in a way that if I had not done that prior, I wouldn't have the tool belt to do what he asked me to do.
Steve Sargent:Wow, wow, my goodness, um amazing to see you know. I sit here, I listen to stories like yours and it just um man, it's so awesome, the power of story and testimony to see God at work and how people encounter him in spite of themselves. It's amazing, it's refreshing. Um, yeah, so I want to get to, uh, dad link and and and talk about that, but before we, before we do I mean you mentioned, you know, you mentioned your son and you know let's go there. I mean tell, talk to us a little bit about, yeah, just you know, fatherhood and then maybe the, the evolution of, of dad link.
Michael Fineman:Yeah, the, the the coolest thing I've ever done in my life is be a dad. I love being a dad and I've loved every stage of it, from poopy diapers to, you know, 18 year old, you know, and 15, when they talk back and you know, to test in the boundary. I just love being a dad and I've been very intentional. Um, I'm super close with my son. Most people that know me. The first thing they would tell you if you say, oh, you know Mike Feynman, they would say, oh, yeah, he's so close with his son Because a lot of dads look at that relationship and they want it. And it's interesting when people come up and say, oh, you're so lucky to have that relationship with your son and he's such an amazing young man and I say I agree, he's amazing, but I'm not lucky. It's not lucky.
Michael Fineman:Yeah, that was intentionality and that was my son's intentionality in learning how to be obedient and being obedient, just like Jesus said, I only do what I see my father does. I only say what I hear my father say. I taught my son that very young, that if we can model that together, if I model that and then you model that man, our life is going to be amazing, like if we can do that together. He didn't know what I was talking about when I started, but I also, you know, I always believed in being a little bit ahead of your child, so I was reading to him and playing music, guitar for him when he was an infant, when he couldn't comprehend what was going on. I always started these things before it was time with him and, again, that's an intentionality.
Michael Fineman:So I found myself separated. When he was five, I'm in an apartment he's probably six or seven at this point. Uh, now I'm divorced. I'm looking at him playing with Legos on the floor and we had just had to pull him out of school. Uh, because he was being bullied so bad he literally had a breakdown. So we pulled him out. I'm looking at him, I, I, I didn't know what to do. I was working 12 hours a day when I didn't have him. I had him 50, 50 and I ended up.
Michael Fineman:The Lord guided me to drop my job, which was the scariest thing I'd ever done. I had a company, car company, laptop company, phone. I got home dropped off. I realized I have nothing now, you know, and what have I done? Thank God, I had been diligent, I had money saved, we were okay and I figured okay, six months, I'll get him back, I'll go eye to eye with him, I'll get him straight and then I'll get back to it. It took four years.
Michael Fineman:So during that time though in the beginning, as I'm watching him play with his Legos, I'm I'm starting to write down who I want him to become, and first I'm thinking you know, what kind of man do I want this boy to become? And I start writing it down, and then I start writing more, and then, three days later, I'm still journaling and I'm praying and I'm journaling and working through all these things. I finally get to the point where I'm really tuned in with the Lord and I'm like journaling what we call two-way journaling where I'll write down my thoughts, I'll put the pen down until the Holy Spirit starts speaking, I don't write again, and then I try to keep up, because it's amazing when you get that download. So I asked him what to do and he said if you want him to become that man, then you have to become that man, because he's going to follow whoever you are. And I was floored. I never thought of that. I didn't. You know, more is caught than taught is so powerful.
Michael Fineman:I realized I had to become a man of integrity, and I already was honest, I already was truthful, I was a justice guy, but I mean it had to be every part of my life.
Michael Fineman:Honor, integrity, character, truth had to be non-negotiable on every level, if that's who I wanted him to become, and so that's what I did. I started to work on myself and I started to get some coaching right From some of these self-help guys. Dan Miller wrote a book called 48 Days to the Work you Love and one of my best friends gave it to me and I read that book and I rediscovered the things I used to love, you know, writing, reading all these things. I had put on the back burner to be a provider. I now was stuck at home with no income, trying to figure out what to do with my life with no, no income, trying to figure out what to do with my life, and I rediscovered myself, reinvented myself by allowing the Lord to renew my mind, restore my heart and build me really, really find myself as that new creation and grab onto that and started to lead my son, and that's how it started, yeah.
Steve Sargent:I want to ask you a question, cause some, some people are are listening. I'm sure going. You know this guy's references hearing from the Lord, like you know, getting a burger at, at at you know, mcdonald's, um, you know, I don't know, and, um, you know, and and I, um, I sit here, you know, not thinking that I'm like, yep, I get it. You mentioned, you know you referenced two-way journaling and sitting and listening to hear God. For our listeners that might be skeptical, would you tell us a little bit about that? Is God speaking to you audibly? Are you hearing him? Is are you in the word? Are you you know? Is it? Are you sensing conviction? Are you? What do you mean when you say you're hearing from God?
Michael Fineman:Yeah, the word says be still and know that I'm God. That was our instructions for getting close to him, and as men we're busy man. It's hard to get still, but when you do and you're in your own thoughts your own thoughts if you're seeking him only last about 20 minutes and then you get past your own thoughts. And so two-way journaling was a very powerful tool that I got early on to learn how to journal and hear from him. And the way I knew it was him is that the vernacular was not my own and often had scripture buried in it or within it, things that I had read, seeds that I had planted that come up later and so often when I would be and reading scripture was a big part of that or even just listening.
Michael Fineman:I like to listen to videos, I like to listen to certain pastors. Of course it forces me to go check the scripture that they mentioned, right, but often when you're reading a scripture you'll start to get this download and you'll an analogy or something will pop up in your mind that is related to the scripture. And if you'll be still in that moment for as long as it takes, that's not easy, but I mean sometimes it takes three or four hours. You know, hearing from the Lord is not like you and I having a conversation right, or all of us just talking.
Michael Fineman:It sometimes takes days to get a download weeks to get a download from the Lord, and sometimes I'm not even clear on what he said for six months.
Steve Sargent:Yeah, so well said. I thank you. Thank you for unpacking that. It's well said, mark, and I talk about it all the time when we for years I mean with a unique aspect of our relationship together, because we journey together so closely in the Lord and with the Lord, along with a few other men you know five of us now a little group we call Victorious Together and our listeners have heard a lot about it, but because we journey together in the scriptures and in various devotionals and in our lives together, god occasionally does something mind blowing.
Steve Sargent:Where you know our Bible reading, this random devotional and some other resource that lands in our lap like three, four something from Justin Kemp six resources, usually something from Justin camp, right Like, lands in our lap the same day and it's the same verse and the same message, and the you know, and, and we're looking at each other going. You're hearing this from God. Right, like this for you, like you like, wake up, mcfly.
Michael Fineman:Like yeah, exactly.
Steve Sargent:You get that Right, yeah, and um, hearing, hearing from the Lord, right and, and um, especially in community, there've been times where you know, like Mark sends me, he's like you're hearing this right, like you've been praying for this clarity, you've been asking for the and, and usually it's like yup, already there, way ahead of you, like I'm with the Lord, now going, you know.
Mark Vesper:Leave me alone.
Steve Sargent:But not always. Sometimes I'm like oh my gosh, like I'm so thick, you know, and blind to it, like thank you, yeah. So thank you, yeah, thank you, that was great to talk that through.
Mark Vesper:I just wanted to say early on you talked about Mike Michael not wanting to be put in a box. Yeah, not wanting to be put in a box. Yeah, I love when I do that to God. It's like I do a show up and throw up right the kind of prayer you just like, blurting out everything you say, and then I sit there and go okay, god, your turn, okay, this is your moment to talk to me.
Steve Sargent:I don't have a lot of time here.
Mark Vesper:So, yeah, yeah.
Michael Fineman:I often say yeah, I was praying, okay, I was complaining, but whatever.
Mark Vesper:Love it.
Michael Fineman:You know, I'd love to reference a book. A friend of mine wrote that I've given away a ton of copies. It's called hear God's voice every day and it's by Cindy Edgett and it's on Amazon as well. Uh, but that book goes through probably seven to 10 chapters of different methods of hearing from the Lord. And it was. It's such a powerful book and she lives local, wow. So I'll meet people and I'll it'll set me up for another visit with them. I'll say I want to bring you this book, I'll have her sign it, she'll pray over it, she'll give a scripture the Lord gives her and I'll hand it off to them.
Steve Sargent:And I do this pretty often with her, wow so um.
Michael Fineman:I'd love to connect. I'd love to connect with her. I'd love to know if she's open to we've had some.
Steve Sargent:We've had some female guests and they're great.
Michael Fineman:Oh yeah, she's awesome.
Steve Sargent:And we just sit and listen. Yeah, okay, yeah, right, um. So, yeah, gosh man, I there's so much here. So, we're running out of time. I want to be sure we get to Dad Link, so tell us a little bit about what it is you know and, yeah, what God's up to in your life right now.
Michael Fineman:Yeah. So on my path I became a motivational speaker. I got to meet Les Brown. He and I started a company together with some other people and I started learning how to be a speaker and spent a lot of time with him in his home. So I learned a lot just by being with him.
Michael Fineman:But I speak about being a dad and it's almost like a record skip at some of these events that are all about how to make money or how to be a speaker or how to grow your real estate business, and then I come up and I talk about how important it is to be a dad and I'm not trying to sell anything. So it's kind of funny how that works. But I realized when I learned how to change my filter from my earthly father to my heavenly father and was able to actually receive him as my dad, my heavenly father, that I had something that most men did not have, especially fatherless, and I had a real heart for fatherless boys because I wasn't fatherless but I didn't have what I needed and I knew the impact on my life from that. So I was starting a program called Identity University to help these young men and young women. We see the problems with identity today and I got redirected by the Lord to now work with the fathers, because if I'm not helping the fathers, there's no generational change, there's no trajectory change in the family, it's just this one kid. And so I started working with dads. Now I had what they call I forget what they call it, but basically imposter syndrome. Sure, who am I to tell another guy how to be a dad? And what gave me permission to do that was the comments I get from people when they see my son and I together, and I realized how many men wanted what we had. So I started to build on that. I started to kind of tiptoe around it.
Michael Fineman:As I was helping other people build their online programs and got into all this kind of work, I realized I needed to build it in a way that I could help more men, and so the dad link is the overarching method, overarching business, but we're building underneath it several programs. So we have an online community coming up for the dad link where men can come together. We're going to have meetings and we'll be able to open up and talk about what it means to be men. They'll have access to other men that like ourselves, men that have learned that have walked, but I'm going to learn from them too. I'm not done. I ABC, to mean, does not always be closing. I think it's always be coachable and I want to always be coachable. So we're building a group where we can all walk side by side.
Michael Fineman:I struggled to monetize it, to be honest with you, because I just felt like it should be something I did as ministry, but I can't afford to time wise because my time is so valuable right now. I had to figure out a way to make it produce, at least to fulfill the production of the other things I want to do Right, and so we're going to build the online community. I'm building a course right now called Get Dad Certified. It's a dad certification course and based on biblical principles of being a father, but also I have the advantage of having grown up in the world. But also I have the advantage of having grown up in the world and so I can see both sides of the coin, which I think gives me a unique advantage and a unique viewpoint to be able to help men that maybe are new believers.
Michael Fineman:You and I talked about it the other day or have heard all these things about you know, gosh, you have this perfect father in heaven, but they're looking at their earthly father and they go yeah, I know all about dads, there's no perfect dad.
Michael Fineman:I mean, come on Like most dads do and fill in the blank whatever my dad did. So I want to help men change their filter. I tell them well, you need a filter. Change man, like we've got to change your filter, so that you can see who he really is, because he is the perfect father. And if you can get past your understanding and your experience of what a father is, you're going to you are will no longer be an orphan, literally son and help their way into being a father, which will change and break. You know the dynamics of of of past chains, past broken relationships, the cycle of not being a good father that goes on for generations and families. You can be the game changer, you can be the one that changes that, and I've. I've not only walked it out, but now I'm going to build a place where I can walk it out with a lot of other men.
Steve Sargent:So you referenced this and I just want to call it out for our listeners. I mean, it's the dadlinkcom. You can check it out. There is a cost. You know, I'll be honest, like looking at the site I wasn't really sure and I know you're making some changes to the site.
Michael Fineman:Yeah, we haven't launched it yet. So you there is a dad link, sign up there for for interest. But we're launching probably within the next 90 to 120 days. But I'm revamping everything in the background. I'm doing a lot of market research right now, talking to a lot of dads just to make sure that it's not what I think they need. I want to hear what the struggles are. I think I know what they are, but I'm going to speak to basically a hundred men before I'm done to really find out what their struggles are so that we can design this to actually help with the current needs.
Mark Vesper:Yeah, so put us on the list, yeah.
Steve Sargent:Yeah, so if anybody wants to know more, you could go to the dad linkcom, you know, put your information in and Michael will be in touch with you. And yeah, that's, that's awesome. So, mark, any any final.
Mark Vesper:Well, there's something on the website I really love, because when you said the other day, hey, we're going to Sarge and I were planning to talk this morning, he goes, hey, we're going to talk to Michael Feynman instead of just each other, I'm like, well, who the hell is Michael Feynman? And? And so he's like look at dad link. So when I pulled it up, michael I and I love this, it's, it's subtlety, your name it says Michael Feynman, d A D instead of PhD it's capital D small, that's awesome.
Michael Fineman:You know, yeah, thank you.
Mark Vesper:Yeah, just that creativity said made me want to look at the rest of your site. Whether it's everything you hoped it would be doesn't matter, and I do have questions about what it could do. But maybe we could get together and talk another time. I'd love to. I don't have any more questions, but I can't tell you how valuable this was for me. I have four boys. They are men, they're my boys, but the youngest is 26 and oldest is 38. But I wish I had met you about 20 years ago is what I'm thinking when I'm done. But thank you very much for joining us. Yeah, you're welcome. We appreciate it. We're blessed.
Michael Fineman:Thank you for having me, it's been great.
Steve Sargent:Yeah, thank you, michael. I appreciate you being here. Thank you for your transparency. Thank you for, yeah, just sharing your whole story, right. No, you for, yeah, just sharing your whole story, right. No, no posturing, no masks. I mean, this is your story and it's it's a beautiful one, and how God has worked and moved and been faithful through it all and um, and was always there. Right, was always there, and I think that's a really important message that people need to hear, like, whether you've recognized it or not, you know he was there, he was, he was holding your hand when you didn't have one to hold and carrying you through, and so it's beautiful and love, just the relationship you have with your son and cheering you on with with the dad link. So I'd love to keep in touch, obviously, and maybe have you back on once you launch and we can let let the world know about it.
Michael Fineman:That would be great. I would appreciate that.
Steve Sargent:Awesome. Thanks, michael. Yeah, peace, brother, and thank you for listening to another episode of Foxhole Symphony Podcast and we hope you're all blessed and dads lean into the only perfect dad there ever was and stay close. Stay close to him, amen. Bless you, peace.
The Maestro:This is a peek behind the curtains of Michael's life, and what I saw was God's relentless and gentle and guiding grace that ultimately brought his son back home where he belonged.
The Maestro:God loved on him in ways that filled the gaps his mom and dad left behind and developed a wise man who is now on fire for sharing those beautiful gifts he received. Are you still wondering if God can't meet you where you are? And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God's love. Neither death nor life, neither angels or demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow, not even the powers of hell can separate us from God's love. No power in the sky above or in the earth below. Indeed, nothing in all creation will ever separate us from God's love that is revealed in Christ Jesus, our Lord. That's not my words, that's God's words. Lord, please continue to use this podcast to impact the lives of all who listen. I ask that you would bring hope and healing to each and every one of them. Meet them right where they are and reveal yourself to them like only you can do. In Jesus' name, amen.
Steve Sargent:If you enjoyed today's episode, please share it and invite others to the Foxhole. You can find us wherever you download your favorite podcasts. Be sure to subscribe so you know when new episodes drop, and please rate us and comment there too, as it'll help us get found by others who could benefit. Find, follow and like us on your go-to social media networks by searching Foxhole Symphony or visit foxholesymphonycom to make it super easy to find us. Drop us a line with feedback, questions, topic requests. Who knows, maybe you'll be a guest on a future episode. In the meantime, prepare to move.
