The Perfect Husband

What happens when two ordinary guys, Mark and Steve, promise to peel back the layers of their marital lives? The answer is a compelling dialogue that plunges us into the dynamics of relationships and the pivotal role of husbands. Prepare to join us as we start off on a light note , then move to the heart of the matter, examining our roles as husbands in line with God's design. We will be sharing our personal experiences, reflecting on our actions, and challenging you to do the same.

Do apologies weigh heavy on your tongue? Ever wondered about the concept of a "me marriage" vs God's design? We're about to take you through these overlooked aspects and share our journey of understanding that our partners are not magic elves designed to fulfill all our needs. We also have some practical relationship nuggets to share. Be ready to learn from our deep conversations and our understanding of our spouses through temperament assessments. By the way, words are potent! They can either heal or hurt, and we have some thoughts to share on that.

Finally, we're all about community here at Foxhole Symphony. So, we're extending an invite for you to join in the dialogue. Engage with us on social media; we value your feedback, questions, and topic suggestions. So, buckle up and join us on this transformative journey as we continue fostering belonging, accountability, and growth through authentic relationships.

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:08

Welcome to Foxhole Symphony, a podcast about the transformational value of men in authentic community.

Speaker 2: 0:14

And our Foxhole men are equipped to build relationships that foster belonging, accountability and growth.

Speaker 1: 0:20

Stop believing the lie that you can thrive in isolation and instead join us on the journey for broken to whole.

Speaker 3: 0:27

Hello everyone. They call me the maestro and we are back in the Foxhole where we actively pursue belonging, accountability and growth through authentic relationships. No masks, no agendas, just iron, sharpening iron. Today, mark and Steve are diving head first into the deep end of the Foxhole. Don't worry, I'm confident they're going to be okay because they maintain all the standard rations found in every respectable Foxhole Salami and Italian pastries. Who needs a life jacket when you got a good cannoli, am I right? Settle into your comfy chair, pop open that note, tap that you like to use and let's listen in.

Speaker 1: 1:09

Hey, welcome back to the Foxhole Symphony podcast. I'm Mark and you are Sarge. Hey, how about that? It's a beautiful day only because we're here, because it's a crappy cloudy day. Sure, is Out there, right? What I wanted to talk to you about today was something you know a lot about, so this should be easy, oh is it salami?

Speaker 2: 1:29

No, sausage, sausage, no, no, no, no, shvaadel.

Speaker 1: 1:34

Shvaadel no, bastachot no, I don't know, you got me.

Speaker 2: 1:40

Top five pastries. Right now, before we get started, top five pastries. Nobly done, shvaadel.

Speaker 1: 1:45

Um, uh, pineoli, oh, pineoli cookies. Oh, I love pineolets. The almond paste, right, oh, so you're going to be like what's?

Speaker 2: 1:53

the name of the pastries, it's the almond paste. Oh so good. I could eat it out of the tube.

Speaker 1: 1:58

Um what's the? Um perfumey, um layer uh.

Speaker 2: 2:03

Oh, the little rainbow Profiteroles, oh, profiteroles, okay.

Speaker 1: 2:07

Profiteroles. That's four. Come on Um and no first two. I would never leave no pasta. Yeah, that's fine, that's fine.

Speaker 2: 2:15

Yeah, oh, the pasta chote for me is way up there. Really it's like number two If you get it with the right cheese, with the pot cheese, not the custard. I don't want a custard pasta chote. It's very hard to find. But if you find it with the regatta, with the pot cheese and sweet cheese, it is so good, so good.

Speaker 1: 2:31

Huh, yeah, I may have just had custard ones, because I'm thinking how creamy, yeah, no, no, no, no, this is, this is cheese, the pot cheese is curdy.

Speaker 2: 2:38

It's almost like a regatta cheesecake, but it's. But with the it's like a little pie, you know? I mean it's like a little. I know where we can get them. I know where we could get them.

Speaker 1: 2:48

Because it makes me think of the pastis de notte is in. Belgium, not Belgium in Portugal.

Speaker 2: 2:55

Yes, little custard, yeah, oh, my God.

Speaker 1: 2:59

Bellem. You go to Bellem. Oh, I went there. Yeah, so you've totally distracted me.

Speaker 2: 3:05

Well, you said something I know a lot about, and that's so my head went right to the pastry store.

Speaker 1: 3:09

All right, I'm going to keep this in. So actually, I wanted to talk to you about the perfect husband.

Speaker 2: 3:14

Oh sure, I know everything about that. I think you do Okay.

Speaker 1: 3:19

I think you know more than you know. Well, let's say about that, so so, Christina, get on the line. Right, she'll tell you.

Speaker 2: 3:27

Well, you know, and that's maybe you're going, maybe you're going a different direction. I'm not.

Speaker 1: 3:32

I actually don't know exactly what direction I'm going, but God put this on my heart in a devotional a few weeks ago where he was talking about the perfect husband of the church, God.

Speaker 3: 3:44

The.

Speaker 1: 3:44

Hebrew word for husband is ish. I S H ish, so get your ish on.

Speaker 2: 3:49

Okay.

Speaker 1: 3:49

Right and in that, in that devotional, it talked a lot about the words in the Bible, how God was treating the church as as not only father but husband to the church. It also talks about Jesus as when he called himself the son of man and and husband and shepherd for the church, and then he had disciples who he made fathers of the local church. That was starting at the time. In doing all of that thinking, it just made me think about my husbandness, my husbandry, how I act and what I do in terms of my day to day activity, being so tied to what I'm getting done on my list and what we are called to be as, as good husbands. Because we talk about community all the time here. It's what you and I do, right? This is a podcast about men and authentic community. Well, obviously, one of the most important communities, if not the most important in our lives, is that in our home, and it begins with our relationship with our wives and our role as husbands. Because I don't know about you. Often our prayers, our dear Lord, make me better father, brother, husband, coworker, friend, et cetera, and husband is always in there. So can you imagine a more important role that you and I have.

Speaker 1: 5:15

I'm totally tongue in cheek about the perfect husband, but the attributes that this devotional spoke about and why God was the perfect husband, because he was perfectly loving, forgiving and faithful loving, forgiving and faithful and it made me do a gut check, an inventory of myself as it relates to my sweetheart, maria. And how am I doing in the loving department, in the forgiving department, in the faithful department, right? I mean, let me start with number one. I'm faithful. Now, I'm not faithful in my head all the time, but I am totally devoted and dedicated to my wife.

Speaker 1: 6:04

Yet I can think about my thoughts, the things that don't come out of my mouth, yet, in frustration, some of the thoughts I have which I'm sure adulterate my marriage. Right, it's just, that's not how you're supposed to be thinking about your wife, right? And God gave me Maria. I know I'm with the right woman, I know it. So faithful seem to be one that on introspection, I can get my brain around that I'm faithful to my wife and by any social measure. But forgiving and loving I just started going through the list. So that's where I am. I'm thinking about trying to relate my life as a husband to God's and his call to the church and what he is for our church, and we just talked about this Thursday night at V2G. But remember, I brought up faithful love in the Old Testament.

Speaker 2: 7:03

Yes, yes, faithful, yes, Faithful love, faithful love.

Speaker 1: 7:07

Exactly. There are so many verses that talk about God's faithful love for them, and that was a cry from the Hebrews of the time in my reading, and I can so relate to needing that, so I think this will be an interesting meander through the grass.

Speaker 2: 7:25

Well, I love it. I mean this is some of my favorite Bible passages. You know, Christine and I for many years have done marriage mentoring and had the privilege of marrying a number of couples, and Ephesians 5 talks a lot about marriage and I just, I always loved the part, especially as we talk to couples and young couples that are maybe more egalitarian and less traditional Like as far as their roles go this is often a big conversation.

Speaker 2: 7:54

Well, what do you mean? The husband is the head of the house, right, like and I remember the Arthur's coming to mind, you know, don Arthur's dad, mom and dad sat on stage at church. They were dear missionaries and they remember her mom saying yes, you know, my husband is the head, and if he's the head, I'm the neck right and my wife to this day I mean, this is many years ago my wife to this day reminds me that she's the neck and the head can't turn without it. Right, and it's, but it's true, it's true and it's biblical, right. It's like, yes, and it says Ephesians 5, 25 to 29, husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her Other surrender, sacrificial death, crucifixion. Right that he might sanctify her, and it goes on and on right, so that he may present the church to himself in splendor.

Speaker 2: 9:01

And you know, and so I just love that, because when it comes to husbandry, like you know, I think the machismo, or the world's view of a man or a husband, or even within the church, traditionally right. It's like oh, no, well, what he says, you know, it's like, hang on a second. Like, yes, we are called to love and lead our families and so sacrificially, right. So anyway, I just I love that, I love that picture and I always, I'm always reminding myself when my pride or ego or my you know maleness Creeps up and gets in the way and becomes an obstacle, that you know Jesus was on a cross.

Speaker 1: 9:49

Have you ever apologized to Christina?

Speaker 2: 9:52

Oh, god, yes, right, absolutely as well as my children.

Speaker 2: 9:57

It's one of the you know and and again, I I Think that's something that I Say God, yeah, like, it's not like I'm like, you know, I'm sorry here, I'm sorry there, I'm sorry that it's like when you have your, you know a child and they just keep saying I'm sorry and you know, I remember, you know, when I, when I used to why coach yeah or right, why, yeah, why are you sorry? Right or I'm sorry means you won't do it again, right, so you know it's, it's necessarily not necessarily Right?

Speaker 1: 10:26

Well, I asked it was rhetorical question, but I asked because I know you have that awareness and I I think of myself, I I apologized, but I don't apologize. Well, I Can tell you, I don't.

Speaker 2: 10:41

What does it look like? How do you? I do apologize, unwell.

Speaker 1: 10:45

It's often a judgmental apology. It's an apology with edges. It's an apology with blame. It's an apology with. I'll own mine if you own yours. Yeah, okay, yeah, right, yeah, and and so I yeah, this is some of the thought process I've had since reading this devotional and I have to be honest, just to say this on a global scale, this is one of the things that's now caught in my head that I could really do without. You know, do you ever just like get something gets planted, and yeah.

Speaker 2: 11:14

I don't need this right now and then, and God's like yes, you do right, that's exactly it, and and so I've in fact, you need it right now.

Speaker 1: 11:24

And that that is probably more true. We're in a phase or a season in our lives. Right now there's a lot of stress in our house. Yeah and we all need more grace. Grace and mercy, grace and mercy. It's why I talked about a few minutes, maybe a podcast, ago, about taking refuge in the Lord.

Speaker 2: 11:41

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 11:42

Sometimes it's good to hunker down and take refuge in my nest in my home with my wife and son and you know, and the dog, yeah, but it's, it's short lived Victory there, but I've got to take refuge in God. Yeah, what are you gonna say?

Speaker 2: 11:58

I was gonna say that. You know, the other thing that we've we've come to really learn and Understand is that we're in a culture of what they call the me marriage, right, like. So, if you haven't heard this, it's, it's all about me, right? So, like, I'll get married, but I need to know this is gonna work for me. I mean, this is from both sides. You know Husband and you know the man and the woman as we marriage mentor and it's like well, I need to know that this works for me.

Speaker 2: 12:25

It's why we want to live together. We want to. I need to know. It's all about my needs. If my needs are met, then this will work. Well, actually, your needs are not going to be met, so we you know, christina and I sit there and go. Yeah, we can attest to the fact that, like, if that's the, like, if that's the, if that's the approach, we would strongly discourage you from getting married Because it's not gonna work that way. He's not gonna meet all your needs.

Speaker 1: 12:47

It's almost a wreck.

Speaker 2: 12:48

She's not going to need all your needs, like we can promise you that, and so, starting out there, if you're looking to the other person to meet your need, you know as, as we know, but yeah, but this is sort of that, that we're in the age of the me marriage, that's what it's all about. That's what that's how you know a young, this younger generation, is often not across the board, but often, looking at marriage is, oh, if it works me. In fact, they're even approaching it from a financial perspective, saying like, well, we, we're getting married because we can do more financially together than we can apart. Have you heard this? This is a big thing. This is a big thing happening like they don't even love each other. It's just it's actually about financial freedom and that if we get married, there's some things that we can I mean, I'm familiar with dinks.

Speaker 1: 13:27

you know the whole concept, yes, but anyway.

Speaker 2: 13:32

So again it's, it's, you know, this very anti-biblical yeah approach to God's design for marriage, which is no, you know. Let's acknowledge right up front that we're not gonna be able to meet each other's needs, and the only one that can meet Our needs is him. So as we look to him and come to the foot of the cross, it actually brings us to a together At the foot of the cross, and that's where we, we come together right and find intimacy and connection.

Speaker 1: 13:58

Can I go to confession?

Speaker 2: 14:00

Sure, oh, you mean right here, right now.

Speaker 1: 14:03

Yeah, it took me 60 years of life on earth to realize that Maria wasn't responsible for meeting my needs.

Speaker 2: 14:14

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 14:16

The first time I can honestly recall thinking why am I putting this burden on her was in the last few years.

Speaker 2: 14:29

How much of that do you think is tied up in the fact that you are a need meter Like, you love and enjoy meeting the needs of others, action oriented, and you're like, well, I meet the needs of others and therefore it's quid pro quo right and I am the quid pro quo kid I am.

Speaker 1: 14:51

unfortunately it's a sin and it's something I carry around, but I don't expect you to loan me the money back. But it wouldn't break my heart, you know that kind of thing.

Speaker 2: 15:05

Yeah, yeah, listen, it's tough. It's tough because, yeah, what is it? And the reason it's tough is because we have so many needs physical needs, emotional needs, psychological needs, spiritual needs and so much of this is tied up in our heart posture, which is why, like our spouse, you know in humanity like we're just never gonna be the people to meet people's heart needs real heart needs. We're not. You know, only God can do that. And so you know, therein lies the challenge, right, as we focus on the sort of immediate, the surface level needs, but, like our real what's at the root of all of that? Only God can. So they're all band-aids, is what I'm saying? They're all band-aids, right? None of it actually meets the real need that we have.

Speaker 1: 15:59

No, no. And in my maturity there was a time in my life where I got so twisted up in my quid pro quo that in several relationships in my life I actually felt I can tell you. I remember feeling I'm gonna do so much for you that you're gonna be so overwhelmed It'll be impossible for you not to do something nice for me or scratch my back or rub my neck or you know, whatever I'm just gonna. You're gonna feel so guilty in my doingness that you're just gonna turn around and do for me.

Speaker 2: 16:33

And that's how twisted I got and selfish, I got Mine's a little different. Mine is a little bit from the opposite perspective, Like I don't want anybody meeting my needs. I don't, I'm not worthy, I don't want, and so like the guilt, like if someone does something for me I have to return it Like I can. I cannot be left. So hard for me to receive a gift, so hard for me to just be served, so hard for me to just receive right Like. It says a lot about who we are. It says a lot about our woundedness.

Speaker 2: 17:07

It says a lot about our like you know. So yeah, I wanna allow people to do it.

Speaker 1: 17:16

Wow, that is 180 off of my no, I will say. I said in my immaturity I don't know if I'm gonna be mature till I get to heaven. I'd like to be seen and known for making mature decisions. Yet I feel so strongly that God gave me a childlike heart that makes any sense at all. It does Only cause. I know it and I see it. Yeah, so I'm okay and I'm okay with that.

Speaker 2: 17:43

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 17:44

So it's more of a perception thing because, look, I would love for the judges to hold up tens on the loving, faithful and forgiving right. Mark ten, the Olympic judges.

Speaker 2: 17:56

I love it. Are they the pearly gates? They are, oh, that's awesome. Yeah, oh goodness, nothing faithful for giving. You're saying sixes and fours.

Speaker 1: 18:05

I would just say I would love to see that, not for you, for me.

Speaker 2: 18:09

I mean, I got it, I got it. But I would be like this have my yeah, you go right.

Speaker 1: 18:14

Who's that over there with the Giants cap? Let him in. He's good, it's rocket sergeant. So I'm trying to confess that, while I have a, my perception my self-perception is someone who is worthy.

Speaker 2: 18:33

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 18:34

At the same time, I know I'm a work in progress. I know I have work to do to be the best version of myself for Maria and I take that very seriously now and have for some time While, if she was here, she would tell you how broken I am and I'm sure she could cite chapter and verse of where I fall short. My hope is that she would say that I've improved in the areas of being loving and forgiving and in trying to have a different lens of how I look at it.

Speaker 2: 19:09

It's just interesting, you know, cause we do. I mean, obviously, our heart's desire, ours, is to be the perfect husband, and I'm sure our wives want to be the perfect wives, right, and there's no such thing other than God himself, right? And so there's this tension. It's like it doesn't let us off the hook that we'll never achieve it right, but it does require a certain humility. It's just like I will never be the perfect husband for you, darling, but I'll die trying. Hmm, I will die trying, you know, and this journey, if I'm not becoming More and more and more like the perfect husband every year, right, like, as we look back over time, then we've got a real problem.

Speaker 2: 20:01

I've got a real problem and that perfect husband you're referring to is Jesus 100% right so, again, the loving, forgiving, faithful, you know, if I, if I'm going backwards, you know I'm, as you know, I'm a part of a forum of Christian CEOs and I just love this group and I'm presenting next, next week, on my business, thank you, you could present on the business, you could present on personal, but in advance of that, the group interviews key people who can speak. You know very Openly and knowledgeably about me, right, about you, so you have to identify these people and they always add in the spouse, if she, if she's, if he or she is willing. They want to interview the spouse. And so I identified three key people at work and and Christina, and which she obliged, and oh man, like I've got, you know I'm going next there. I like I don't even know what I'm gonna get hit with. Oh really, oh yeah, no, I'm not there. You know it's like here.

Speaker 2: 21:06

I've seen the questions and I kind of have a guess of where this might go. Okay, but the the beauty, like I'm so thankful because what a tremendous opportunity. And many of the questions related to the spouse are how would you rate your marriage? You know, um like, rate it on a scale and why would you give it that rating and is it improving or is it declining? Like where would you have rated it, you know, in in in relation to a year ago or five years ago? And what are some of your greatest needs? What are your sweet of your hopes and dream, like some amazing Wow stuff that, as a third party facilitator, some, some people to come in and Ask my wife these questions and report back to me. It's gonna be, interesting.

Speaker 2: 21:56

I'm like I'm so excited actually, but I'm scared to death.

Speaker 1: 22:02

Yeah, it's a little. I don't want to be. It's a little scary.

Speaker 2: 22:05

It's a little scary, but that's you. That's exactly right I love I love.

Speaker 1: 22:10

I love that.

Speaker 2: 22:10

So, yeah, again, like I just Bring that up because there's a humility and a transparency, and again, not that Christina and I can't have those conversations together and we then we do. But I mean Many of these questions I've never asked them that way so pointedly, so it's gonna be interesting, sure.

Speaker 1: 22:32

Well, so let's just talk practically for a few minutes and not beat it to death, but have some fun with this. What are some practical ways, things that you've learned, yeah, that you might share with our listeners, that help you when you think about being more like Jesus loving, faithful and forgiving. What are some practical things you've learned? Work and don't work in your life, in your marriage and your relationships, yeah because, the perfect husband.

Speaker 1: 22:58

We can just leave it at husband and wife. But you can take that life metaphor and, yeah, quickly put it at work.

Speaker 2: 23:04

Well, one of the things that we've done that has been really life-changing, truly life-changing, is Some temperament assessments, which I think I may have talked to you about. I'm not sure, but we did some temperament assessments which I use at work and and we now recommend other couples. But we we had actually we were marriage mentoring a couple and who was preparing to get married, married and had them do the temperament, and I was like we should do that. You know, like I've done mine, but you do yours, and it was amazing.

Speaker 2: 23:34

What we discovered about each other and what was born out of that was, oh my gosh, like these frustrations are born out of, out of this Our wiring and how we see the things that hurt us are, that are so unintentional. And so there's one that we use that Andy Stanley promotes. It's called I Said you heard, so if you, if you search, I said you heard that's the, the ministry in the organization temperament. It's like ten bucks or something for temperaments highly recommended for for couples, and and unpack it and talk about it and so so these are things that really helped. I'll give you an example. Here's a concrete example please do.

Speaker 2: 24:20

One of the things that has always driven me crazy In my marriage for many years and has been really hurtful, was what I perceived to be a lack of enthusiasm for things that I would dream up. I'm a dreamer, I'm a gamma act, you know, right, like let's go do this. Hey, how about that? Let's go here and this, this enthusiasm and passion, and my wife's just very steady and she would be like yeah, that's that, sounds good. And I'm like sounds good, where are the pom-poms? Like where are the fireworks?

Speaker 3: 24:56

What do you mean? Great idea, yeah. How can you like okay?

Speaker 2: 24:59

Well then, should we do that? Yeah, that's, that's fine, too fine. Now, for years I'd be like my god, like I Get excited about anything. And the truth is my wife's just very content, and I've learned that over the years. She's just content. I'm not like I have needs and that area, right, yeah, so you know adrenaline needs, you know so.

Speaker 2: 25:27

But what I realized, like these, these are things that would hurt me when she would say, like I don't, you know, yeah, I don't care, I would hear that, as she really doesn't give a crap and what she means is she would be happy doing anything with me.

Speaker 2: 25:42

Two very different things, sure, and it's born out of her wiring, out of her temperament, that I could not see, understand nor embrace. And the reverse is true. Right, my enthusiasm, my need for this and that and all this content, like it's, you know, she would say, is erratic and dramatic, and which I am right, and and you're driver crazy, like can't you just be content with whatever? And so these are things that like, and we've learned that the words we use, what we actually communicate. For her, saying I don't care Versus saying I would be happy doing anything with you, whoa, well, that's life-giving. That fills my heart if she says to me I would be happy to do anything with you, versus I don't care what we do and and and I hear that, as I don't even want to be with you, so Highly recommend it that that's just one practical thing that has dramatically changed our marriage.

Speaker 1: 26:45

It scares me it's hard stuff I want to do it.

Speaker 2: 26:47

It's hard stuff, because it's hard it's, there's hard work in it. There's hard work in it and not hard hard part, yeah, and so anyway, and that's not hard to you and just so you know, though I mean, christina is not really. She doesn't love to do that kind of like. I'm a hard work guy, I'm a hard on your sleeve. I'm the emotional one in the relationship. You know, as you know, she's not, you know so. But like, she embraced this process and actually loved it. We learned about ourselves, we learned about each other.

Speaker 1: 27:14

All right, I'll take it so, so, thank you. That's, and that's more than anything, what I wanted to do. Thinking about, though, those moments that pass us by, that we have a chance to grow closer to our wives and and men, and whether you have a wife or significant other it doesn't matter. I would say there's. There's certainly a biblical foundation for a conversation About us being more loving, being more forgiving, being being more faithful, but this quest that we're on these are goals that we have as men, in in marriages that you know. If you look back at the beginning of my marriage and say, well, why did you get married? And well, it wasn't because I wanted to be the most faithful, forgiving, loving that that wasn't even on my radar, yeah at the time yeah, 30 years ago, sure, when I got married, or 28 years ago when I got married.

Speaker 1: 28:09

But now so much of my reading is biblical, whether it's in the Bible or suggested by the Bible. I want to improve. I do, I want to be when I pray about being a better dad, a better husband, father, brother, friend, co-worker, etc. I mean it. Yeah, you know, I would love, love. Another confession.

Speaker 2: 28:39

I would love to imagine people at my funeral saying like he yeah, are you willing to see those things that maybe might be really Hard to see?

Speaker 1: 28:54

no, yes, I'm, I'm prepared. I have Said, said in my family setting now for a couple of years, that I know that you know we'll be talking to smart people about some of the stresses and anxieties in our life and I'm willing to put my crap out. Yeah there whatever, whatever needs to come out and whatever Admissions need to happen, I will own. Yeah, so I'm, yes, I am willing to own my crap, okay.

Speaker 2: 29:25

Yeah, because I do think that that that I mean that's just a critical right, like Blind spots. I mean we talked about it, you know yeah at work and all of that. But you know, when you're talking now, it's hitting real close to home. Right, talk about marriage and say like Okay, hit me, hit me hard, hit me hard. And that's what I said to Christina. I said, listen, these are, these are trusted Brothers, these people you're gonna be talking to, like I hold nothing back, like hit me hard.

Speaker 1: 29:52

I want to see you 12.

Speaker 2: 29:53

Yeah yeah, yeah, that interview. So what we'll see. We'll say, you know, I don't think there's that much there, to be honest with you, like thankfully because we've come so far. But I do know that my stress it's gonna be all about stress because I wear it and she feels it, she's very empathetic, so that's what it'll be about, but It'll be great yeah.

Speaker 2: 30:14

Yeah, absolutely it will be. It will be and they even invited her. She's invited to come for the the present day, which I don't think she can, unfortunately. But so, yeah, but I do think it does it. It requires a willingness to see and receive and accept and work on. Our Blind spots are crap that others see that again it's a blind spot, it's like. Are we willing to reach to accept the fact that this is what others see in us, even though we don't see it ourselves? That's tough.

Speaker 1: 30:39

It is, it is and and what I was saying before is I would love I would be more specific in my confession. I'd love for you to show up at my funeral and say mark was on a journey trying to get better at this. He, he was invested in being a better brother, father, husband and bro.

Speaker 2: 30:54

You are see that, and you have been. It's not even my funeral yet 100%. Yeah, of course, now you have been you. This is the the journey we're on, man, and you've been on, and especially we've been on in the last five or six years, right, I mean especially in the last Few years, where I don't know why that is. Maybe it just it's not that long for God to get us to this point. But you know, I think we're we're pretty surrendered pretty and it's so fruitful yeah.

Speaker 1: 31:23

I mean it is some of it is bearing fruit on this podcast, but in our lives, oh my gosh, just it's beautiful.

Speaker 2: 31:30

Yeah, cuz like I said before, god can get started. Now, yeah, you could, god can get started. He's like, okay, now we can get started right now that you guys are done, trying to do this all in your own strength.

Speaker 1: 31:41

I'll close with reminding anyone who's listening that it's God is worthy of you taking refuge in him, just like it says in Psalm 34 Today I don't remember the exact verse, I think it's eight but rejoice in the Lord For those who take refuge in him. So that's what I got, bro. It's great talking to you again. I love it, you too.

Speaker 2: 32:06

Yeah, I was perfect husband, husband's love your wives, I love it. I that's gonna be on my mind for a while. I really do. Yeah, loving, forgiving, faithful if that doesn't sum it up and certainly Our, our dear and loving God has given us the the model for that. So may we be the best husbands we can be and and Mayor wives, look to him to fill the gaps, because we'll screw it up and you can hold me accountable, accountable to that.

Speaker 1: 32:36

Okay, I'm ready for you to ask me what steps I. I don't want to just say I'm getting better at this. I don't want you to, just because you love me, say I watched mark on this journey. Yeah, I want you to see it, yeah, and, and we've agreed to be accountable to that, so I am okay All right, Love you bro. Have a great day you too. Peace.

Speaker 3: 32:58

Wow. There were so many things for me to consider while listening to the guys talk through being the perfect husband. For me, this summary is pretty straightforward God is the only perfect anything and me and you. We're not God. However, we strive to live our lives in a way that glorifies God, so that means I have to actively participate in sacrificially loving my wife, his daughter, just as Jesus did for his bride, the church. A Few things that I have to consider after listening to this episode Are me and my wife making time to have meaningful conversations, sharing our hearts with each other? Are we ready to start using some of those tools the guys talked about to start doing some of that heart work? Am I depending on my wife to make me happy? Is she depending on me to make her happy? What?

Speaker 1: 33:55

does that?

Speaker 3: 33:55

look like and what do we have to change? What do we have to do? More of Lord. Please continue to use this podcast to impact the lives of all who listen. I asked that you would bring hope and healing to each and every one of them, lord. Meet them right where they are and reveal yourself to them like only you can do. In Jesus name, amen.

Speaker 2: 34:21

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